prompt: who have you forgiven in 2011? what was the journey like that brought you there?
i am still on the journey.
forgiveness, like letting go, is something i am not good at, was not built for. your offenses and transgressions stick in the crannies of my mind forever. i do not know how to forget – i hold on. the most i hope for is that i understand the reasons behind what you’ve done, and that i become ok with them. i shouldn’t say that – it’s a self limiting belief, i know – but i know what i am now and what i am is not a person who forgives.
i have not forgiven her. she was and likely remains a snake of a woman, a doer of evil, a predator, and completely self-consumed. i have trained myself out of checking on her internet spaces, because all they do is rile me – and i have committed to pushing her and all of the wrong she did out of my mind, my heart, my space. i am not always successful. my goal is to let go of my conviction to put her in the hospital if i ever see her in person again. that is not nice and that is probably a bit crazy but that is the truth.
i have forgiven him, to the extent that i will. i don’t know if it happened this year, or last. i know why he left the way he did and i know the sadness and anger that makes you do such things, and i know the places where i was wrong. he broke his promises to me. and it’s alright. i forgive him for leaving.