so here is something i have to come to terms with.

maybe i am not your cup of tea.

there are bloggers that keep it 95% positive. there are bloggers that keep it funny. there are photography bloggers and food bloggers and etcetera, etcetera, etcetera. there are people who will understand why i just typed etcetera three times instead of saying etc. i appreciate a lot of these blogs and the people behind them, i love reading them, and i’d love to be e-friends with them. let’s follow each other on twitter and talk about our days and be funny and shit. yay connection.

i’m not always positive. i can be intensely, and probably uncomfortably for many, self reflective and such. i’m not the cutest thing, or the snarkiest thing, although i can be both cute and snarky. i talk about some of the food i make, but not with incredible consistency. i shared my photos for a month, and it was awesome, but i don’t consistently post photos (nor do i really believe i’m talented enough to do so).

not everyone is going to like me. not everyone is going to like or appreciate or want to participate in what i’m doing here. that, i pretty much get. what i struggle with, what i intellectually know but don’t have an easy time swallowing is that sometimes the people i like and want to connect with won’t reciprocate.

i also probably worry too much that people don’t or won’t like me. i’m working on it.

i’ll tell you a secret. i started this blog, several years back, fully expecting to integrate with a very specific set of bloggers. while i’m loosely connected to them, i have connected much more deeply with some other amazing people. i did this with a goal, i adapted my tone to achieve that goal, i failed at that tone, i got back to some real me, and i found some people that i truly love. some people that i’ve formed a deep, organic, real connection with. i am so grateful for this – i’m not even sure they know how much.

it’s tumbled around my brain for a long time, all of this. that i came here with my eye on a prize, and was rewarded with a very different one. that you can set out for a goal, and never achieve it, but gain something greater at the end. how to accept that people i might want to connect to possibly have no interest in me.

so i still have questions, and i don’t always know what’s best. the only thing to do is to move forward fully in the direction that gives me the most joy.