i’m riding over the river and i notice a patch of light hit the water – the weather has been weird so the sun is especially welcome. there is so much i’ve never noticed. there is so much that was stolen but so much I have never reached for, even when it was so close. my eyes well up mightily when i think of what i’ve missed but moreso for what is to come – there is a horizon and for the first time in so very long it’s not gray, bleak, cold.

i cross the river every day, attempting each time to grab at some bit of hope. there is the world out there, this whole city, i repeat to myself. there are days when i am so turned within myself that i never think to look, and those that i don’t let myself. when i know that i will only be angry, that i will only know the unceasing and unbearable weight of failure, i stare at the floor, at the unclever posters. tonight, though, i was gripped.

let me accept my place as not even a point in the hand of this world, this universe, this reality and let me consider everything i am connected to in all of its microscopic presence. let me release and let me hold on, let me shift. let me know that shifting is possible. let me believe in change and growth and let me accept it and embrace it.

this is the closest to a prayer that i’ll come.

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