i have lots of post ideas flitting around.
but something from a conversation yesterday has been bouncing around a little more strongly than everything else.
we spoke about forgiveness and kindness. and how excessive forgiveness can manifest as enabling and you end up a carpet, sometimes, when you are a forgiver. she tries hard to love her enemies and i respect her kindness. i am not that kind. i carry more bitterness in me, anger, hatred sometimes. i’m neither proud nor ashamed to admit that. it is just fact, and it is part of me.
it’s taxing sometimes. it is true that negativity eats more of your energy than positivity and sunshine – but the fact is, i am just not always a positive, sunshiney thing. when you wrong me, or when you are just wrong in general, i note it and i don’t believe you deserve forgiveness for the sake of it. i believe in retribution and penance – i believe in learning a lesson. you don’t learn lesson when you’re handed a smile and a lollipop when you fuck up.
i freely take that as payment for being this way, sometimes i am seen as nasty and harsh. so be it. these are my ways.