i was never a dreamer.

i am a thinker, for sure, but i am a pragmatist at heart. i’ve never let myself have wild fantasies and daydreams of what i want to do with my life, like, forever. or really the specifics of what i want out of life. i want stability and joy. that’s pretty generic but – i never had the time or inclination or what-have-you to go much deeper than that. i was dealing with other things.

what i do, what i’ve done, has been ruled by what makes the most sense, and reason.
*excepting anything romantic. then i’ve just been a silly goose. but no longer.

so the fact that i’m kind of unhappy with the day to day, that i literally feel like it’s eating my soul a bit to sit in the same fluorescent lit space for 40 hours a week, every week, the monotony – the fact of that is problematic. because i don’t really know how to think outside of the box. i could find a new fluorescent lit space. and that might be fun for a few weeks until it became monotonous too.

i’m considering new options. or at least i’m trying. my mind ran wild this morning. maybe – and that’s a very tentative maybe – i’ll be able to break the mold.