i’m stumbling across new blogs all the time. today i came across justatitch. side note, universe, it’d be really nifty if you tossed in some awesome bloggers in new york that i could be like, real physical friends with maybe someday. thanks.
note: i am grateful for blog friends everywhere! i just want to maybe grab a chai with you sometime – which is way harder when you’re across an ocean…
anyhow, her recent posts reminded me of a story, tied to my recent struggle.
it was a few years ago. i was heating up some lunch and a friend of mine was there with me. i had visited my parents and my mother had packed leftovers for me, as mothers are wont to do. i don’t visit my parents extremely often and my mom usually makes me some sort of comfort meal that i really appreciate. the standard is chicken cutlets, mashed potatoes, and asparagus with hollandaise sauce. so i’d brought this back, and i’m making my plate, and i use the rest of the sauce that was packed. my friend was not far from my size, and struggling with that herself – she was about an 8/10 at the time, which i have been for as long as i can remember. she eyed my plate and said – “are you sure you need that sauce?”
i replied, “well, it’s here, so i’m going to eat it.” she said, “well, you just talk about how giant you feel all the time, so…”. i dropped it there. i wasn’t interested in confrontation, but i felt ridiculously judged and guilty for eating my lunch.
what i should have said? “just because i confide in a friend about how i feel doesn’t mean i deemed you my personal fucking food police, you bitch”. or “wow, thank you for that helpful advice, i had no idea what i was eating.” i would never take it upon myself to comment about what someone did or didn’t “need” on their plate. who the hell do i think i am? not your registered dietitian, that’s for sure.
some might have a vastly different opinion than me on this – and i really can see the other side. some might say she was being a good, honest friend. she’s probably say that, but she’s notoriously mean and cutting. but, my meal was NOT the healthiest – fried cutlet, starch in the potatoes, and hollandaise sauce is pretty much a stick of butter with some extra flavor. some say good friends call you out on your bad decisions. maybe she was right. this does not at all change the fact that i sort of wanted to break her face. my sensitivity? sure, i’ll accept that.
was she a bitch? was i oversensitive?