my god, the number of times i’ve hit “new note” in evernote this past week to write a new potential blog post is astounding. 

 
three years ago my life was different. yours was too, i’m sure. three years is longer than we think. three years ago i was sitting in my bedroom in queens, in a house i shared with two other girls, only one of whom i speak to anymore. i was single for the first time in four years and more importantly, my heart was unattached for probably the first time ever. i wanted fun. i wanted to distance myself from being the girl who felt too many damn things, who wrote morose shit on the internet, who didn’t know how to get by without being at war with something.
 
i was doing a really good job of turning into that creature. hardly any weekend nights went by when i wasn’t out til four, five, six am and i kept everything just at surface level. and i found this community of people, who seemed to be funny, and awesome, and sadly, not in new york. but wait! they were doing this thing! in vegas! it was inconceivable to me at that point to just jump into something, so i watched from afar, kind of wistfully. and i told myself maybe next year. by the next year, i was no longer about the fun. and the year after that, i had the sparks of desire in me again, to go, but i told myself that i couldn’t afford it. really, i was terrified.
 
i’ve talked about this before. i haven’t accomplished what i intended to with this blog, but what i’ve realized is that i had the wrong intentions. i set out to put a very specific side of me in this space, and i am so much more than that. yet it’s still a part of me. people, we have facets, who knew?! 
 
so look. i get that i’m not the typical 20 something blogger. this space is not all sweetness and light and funny. it might not be any of those things, ever. but i have changed into a person who is not hiding in the corner anymore, terrified of not being enough of anything. and this year, i’m doing it. after a midnight conversation in bed with the lights already turned out, i realized i had to. 
 
so in four months i’m going to vegas with 59 other bloggers for bloggers in sin city (also known as #BiSC on the twitters). some of them i have never heard of, some of them i already read, some of them i have met, some of them i have worked with in stratejoy groups. and i am thrilled.
 
as a special bonus, paperd app, an iphone wallpaper app developed by some of the same cool people that are putting on #BiSC, will be refunding one person’s registration fee. i am hoping and praying it’s me. if it isn’t i’ll be insanely happy for the person who IS chosen.
 
so me. may. vegas. 59 other bloggers, probably 50 of whom are strangers to me. LET’S EFFING GO.